1
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:24,770
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

2
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,170
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

3
00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:33,390
I know I am, I'm sure I am.

4
00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:36,770
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

5
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:42,590
I know I am, I'm sure I am. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

6
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:56,770
You know, it's amazing the way the
stomach can digest tripe, isn't it?

7
00:00:56,771 --> 00:01:01,029
You wouldn't talk about tripe. I don't
like tripe. I know, but if you could,

8
00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:04,460
could digest it. And that's amazing when
you think about it. Why is it?

9
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:06,090
Because that's what tripe is.

10
00:01:06,091 --> 00:01:07,129
Stomach lining.

11
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:10,729
I mean, how can you digest tripe and
leave your stomach? You'd think they'd

12
00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:11,780
go the same way.

13
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:15,840
In which case, when you came to your
pudding, it'd fall straight through.

14
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,640
Of course, you know what the answer is,
don't you?

15
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:20,720
Mucus.

16
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,919
What's the matter? Don't you want it?

17
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,620
I suddenly don't feel very hungry.

18
00:01:25,621 --> 00:01:28,279
You want to watch that, you know. You're
supposed to be building up your

19
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,600
strength. I don't like this loss of
appetite.

20
00:01:30,601 --> 00:01:34,079
Oh, please, Fig, don't start diagnosing
me again. I've had quite enough of your

21
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,720
medical facts for one day. You told that
man in X -ray he had hydrophobia.

22
00:01:37,721 --> 00:01:41,399
No, I didn't. Just said there was a
possibility he had trouble swallowing.

23
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,290
did when you finished with him. He had
trouble standing up.

24
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,860
What about Archie? What about him?

25
00:01:46,861 --> 00:01:49,829
You've been waiting for him to peel over
ever since the operation. You've

26
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:54,349
diagnosed creeping paralysis, prostrate
gland and angina. You've pronounced him

27
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,400
dead twice.

28
00:01:55,730 --> 00:02:00,069
I wouldn't mind, but you always said he
was a hypochondriac. I know he's a

29
00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:04,389
hypochondriac, but what you've got there
is that rarity in medical practice, the

30
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:07,310
doctor's dilemma, a sick hypochondriac.

31
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:12,610
Then why are they discharging him?
Because he's cried wolf once too often,

32
00:02:12,611 --> 00:02:15,349
hasn't he? He's got that many symptoms
they can't sort him out.

33
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:16,690
I feel sorry for him.

34
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,120
He's got no job, no money, nowhere to
go.

35
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,760
He could always go to his GP.

36
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:22,080
Oh, do me a favour.

37
00:02:22,081 --> 00:02:25,599
You can't get hold of them, can you? You
have to shout your symptoms down the

38
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:26,650
bleeding phone.

39
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,859
And even if they do see you, all you
get's a dozen purple hearts. Now, I

40
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,690
they should have kept you near for
further observation.

41
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,710
Sorry, mate, no visitors. You're still
feeding the animals.

42
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,010
It's Archie!

43
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,690
Blimey, so it is. I didn't recognise you
with your clothes on.

44
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,150
How do I look?

45
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,270
You look...

46
00:02:46,271 --> 00:02:47,759
Terrific, Archie.

47
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:48,810
Do you think so? Yeah.

48
00:02:48,811 --> 00:02:52,459
There's something missing now. What is
it? Oh, I know. It's a shooting stick.

49
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:53,619
I haven't got a shooting stick.

50
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,179
No, well, they do tend to make holes in
the carpets, don't they?

51
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:59,250
Sir, it's a pity. You need something to
lean on. How do you feel?

52
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,630
I feel fine.

53
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,920
You look great.

54
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:07,139
My God, you can't get beyond that tweed
jacket, can you? Trust you to be

55
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,700
impressed by a bit of good cloth.

56
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,130
Clothes make the man.

57
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,010
Make him? They're probably all that's
holding him up.

58
00:03:13,011 --> 00:03:18,169
Blood pressure's down, the cholesterol's
down, the palpitations have gone. What

59
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,609
about the ruddled poker in the side?

60
00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:21,589
I'm not going to let it worry me,
figures.

61
00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,390
I'm going to try to lead a normal life.

62
00:03:23,391 --> 00:03:27,289
The first thing I'm going to do is have
a stiff gin and tonic followed by a slap

63
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,009
-up meal. Well, you take it easy. You
might finish up with your face in the

64
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,070
ghetto. You take care of yourself.

65
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:36,210
Yes. I suppose that this is goodbye.

66
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,270
Oh, wait a minute. I've got something
for you.

67
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:41,569
Oh. What are you going to do when you
get out?

68
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,789
I suppose you'll have to find yourself a
job.

69
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,840
I'm not sure.

70
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,620
I may take a villa in the Algarve for
the summer, or possibly a cruise.

71
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,150
I see.

72
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,360
I'm sure you've got enough bus fare.

73
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,640
As a matter of fact, I'm a bit short. I
still haven't found my checkbook. Oh,

74
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,480
yes, the elusive checkbook. I told you,
you should have informed Interpol.

75
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,419
Now, look here, I think it's... When
I... What's this? What's it look like?

76
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,059
a tenner.

77
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:10,460
Oh, no, really, Roy, I couldn't... Now,
go on, take it.

78
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:18,329
Here you are, Archie. Oh, thank you,
Norman.

79
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:23,110
That's... That's very nice.

80
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:26,460
You can hang things in it. Yes, of
course. That's what I'll do.

81
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,730
I'll hang things in it.

82
00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:32,010
You've got it upside down. Oh, yes, of
course.

83
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:34,370
Oh, yes. It's very attractive.

84
00:04:35,690 --> 00:04:38,630
Well, I... I suppose this is goodbye.

85
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:41,650
Ah! There you are. All ready.

86
00:04:41,651 --> 00:04:46,959
Glad to see you've made such an
excellent recovery. No blood pressure,

87
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,580
palpitations, no red -hot pokers on the
side.

88
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,880
Ah, I wanted to talk to you about that.

89
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,719
Don't tell me it's come back.

90
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,580
No, it's more like a branding iron now.

91
00:04:55,581 --> 00:04:59,859
Ah, well, that's an improvement, isn't
it? I think I'd rather have a branding

92
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:01,120
iron than a red -hot poker.

93
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,920
Don't worry, you're looking marvellous.
But what about my eyes?

94
00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:08,319
What about your eyes? Well, they seem to
be bulging. Well, of course they're

95
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,880
bulging. It's perfectly normal.

96
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:13,140
Don't forget, you haven't worn the tie
for some weeks.

97
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,710
Clother's probably too tight.

98
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,149
Always think of the simple explanation
first, Clother, before you come

99
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:26,430
us. Now, you know the way out, don't
you?

100
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:27,700
Bye -bye.

101
00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:32,149
Do you think he's going to be all right,
Doctor? Of course he's going to be all

102
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,200
right.

103
00:05:33,201 --> 00:05:37,329
Moments like this are very rewarding. It
gives you a sense of purpose, a feeling

104
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,510
of a job well done.

105
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,120
They come in here thick and bent, and we
send them out tall and straight. Yeah,

106
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,900
tall and straight and horizontal.

107
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,839
What's that, Figgis?

108
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,019
I can't help being worried about him,
Doc. Are you sure you haven't missed

109
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,999
something? Of course I haven't missed
anything. We've given him every test. We

110
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,499
couldn't keep him here forever, Figgis.
I see. You need the bed, do you? We do

111
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,550
not need the bed.

112
00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:02,959
Glover has made a complete recovery and
he's been discharged.

113
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,359
What about the eyes? They were
definitely bulging.

114
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,979
Your eyes will be bulging in a moment. I
thought there might have been a clue in

115
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:13,640
the human jigsaw puzzle. A guide in the
complex labyrinth of the body.

116
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,340
I think it's a symptom.

117
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:16,860
A symptom of what?

118
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,600
Hashimoto's disease.

119
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:23,720
Hashimoto's disease?

120
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:25,760
Whatever made you think of that?

121
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,760
Well, I thought he looked a bit yellow.

122
00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:32,139
Because Hashimoto's disease does not
give you an oriental appearance.

123
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,370
That's the name of the man who
discovered it.

124
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,320
Stop interfering and leave the
diagnosing to me. Am I trying to be

125
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,700
Helpful? You're a meniscus.

126
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,930
You're spreading panic through the whole
hospital.

127
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,830
You've already persuaded three men in
the general ward they got the black

128
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:51,290
They spent a whole day looking under
each other's armpits.

129
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,080
I only told them there was a
possibility.

130
00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:59,790
The Black Death died out in the 14th
century. How could it be a possibility?

131
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:04,439
I know it's a long shot, but we are
built over a plague pit and the virus

132
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:08,579
take a thousand years to die out. You
told them the hostel was built over a

133
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:11,780
plague pit? We are sitting on an
ecological time bomb, Doctor.

134
00:07:11,781 --> 00:07:16,059
Figures. I'm not saying the health
service is perfect, but we do not build

135
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,580
hospitals over plague pits.

136
00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:19,079
Well, I didn't say all of it.

137
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,300
Just the canteen.

138
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,290
Oh, dear.

139
00:07:23,291 --> 00:07:25,979
What's the matter with you, Norman? I
don't feel very well. I think you'd

140
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:26,799
get a doctor.

141
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,850
Be quiet.

142
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,400
Both of you, you're like a pair of old
women.

143
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,900
Oh, life seems so good this morning.

144
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:38,219
When I said goodbye to Glamour, do you
know what I thought?

145
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,820
One down, two to go.

146
00:07:39,821 --> 00:07:44,459
Don't you worry about your symptoms,
because I'm working day and night for

147
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:48,240
recovery. My one ambition is to restore
you to a full and healthy life.

148
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,520
And when you walk through those doors...

149
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,150
There'll be tears of gratitude in my
eyes.

150
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,940
But until that great day comes, keep out
of my way!

151
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:00,720
Did you hear that?

152
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:04,479
There was no need for him to lose his
bleeding temper, was there?

153
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,459
If he doesn't want my help, all he has
to do is tell me to shut up. I'm not

154
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:10,939
trying to tell him his job. He can do
his own diagnosing, and that's my last

155
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:11,990
word on the subject.

156
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,280
Did you notice his thyroid?

157
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,650
Aren't you bored?

158
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:36,058
No. You know what's happened, don't you?
You've become institutionalised. You

159
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:37,799
don't notice the monotony any more.

160
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,359
Don't you ever feel like doing something
different?

161
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,619
What do you mean, different?

162
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:45,459
Well, I don't know, like dashing stark
naked through geriatrics shouting anyone

163
00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:46,510
for press -ups.

164
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,460
You're missing Archie, aren't you?

165
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,120
Oh, I suppose I am, really.

166
00:08:52,121 --> 00:08:53,999
I miss the cut -and -thrust of debate.

167
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,680
I've always liked a good argument.

168
00:08:55,681 --> 00:08:56,739
Well, you've still got me.

169
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:59,090
I can't argue with you. You always agree
with me.

170
00:08:59,091 --> 00:09:02,009
I'll disagree if you like. Well, there
you are. You'll do anything to be

171
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:03,060
agreeable.

172
00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:05,610
I wonder what he's doing now.

173
00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:11,070
You envy him, don't you? Envy him? He's
out there drinking, smoking, eating,

174
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,600
damaging his health, undoing all the
good work.

175
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:16,370
Of course I envy him, and I'm going to
join him.

176
00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:18,810
What? You can't go out.

177
00:09:18,811 --> 00:09:20,209
You haven't got any clothes.

178
00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,729
Oh, no? What do you think these are?

179
00:09:21,730 --> 00:09:23,089
Where did you get them from?

180
00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:24,830
They fell out the back of a cupboard.

181
00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,160
They'll recognise you.

182
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,620
Do me a favour. You saw what happened
when Archie came in in his clothes?

183
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,140
We didn't recognise him.

184
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,740
No, in here, we're just patients, not
people.

185
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,719
As soon as you're out of your pyjamas,
they don't know you. They'll think I'm a

186
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:44,399
doctor. You can't go around posing as a
doctor, Thorpe. Why not? Thorpe's been

187
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,450
doing it for years.

188
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,420
Come on, let's have a listen.

189
00:09:48,311 --> 00:09:52,499
Blimey, do you always make this much
noise?

190
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:53,550
Nurse screams.

191
00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:54,920
You can't, darling.

192
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:56,810
I'm going to have to.

193
00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,460
It's too late to dig a tunnel.

194
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,460
You won't get away with it.

195
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:03,819
You don't look like a doctor. You don't
act like a doctor. You don't sound like

196
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,590
a doctor. They'll see straight through
you. Now, listen.

197
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:12,920
Good evening, Doctor.

198
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,170
Good evening.

199
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,920
Keep taking the pills.

200
00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:48,890
Are you from the General?

201
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:52,230
Yes, that's right. I think you're doing
a wonderful job.

202
00:10:52,870 --> 00:10:53,920
Oh, thank you.

203
00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:55,730
My mother died in there.

204
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:03,030
You're from the General?

205
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:06,190
Yes. I thought so. You've got my
admiration.

206
00:11:06,430 --> 00:11:09,620
Have I? Oh, I couldn't do it, being with
sick people all the time.

207
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,580
Must be nice to get away, relax and have
a drink. Yeah, yeah.

208
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:14,120
I'm glad you've come in.

209
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,380
I've got this stabbing pain.

210
00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:22,320
I wasn't going to mention it, but it's
getting worse. It shoots up my leg,

211
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:25,660
across here and then down and finishes
up there.

212
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:27,880
I don't like the sound of that.

213
00:11:27,881 --> 00:11:28,739
Think it's serious.

214
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:29,940
I'm glad I haven't got it.

215
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:32,439
Stabbing pain?

216
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,500
Yes. Getting worse?

217
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:35,219
Yes, that's right. I wonder what it is.

218
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,779
I thought you could tell me that.

219
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:40,400
Oh, now, do me a favour. I'm just out
for a quiet drink, not a consultation.

220
00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:43,559
If I was a plumber, you wouldn't expect
me to dash out and look at your pipes,

221
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,610
now, would you?

222
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,120
I would if they was leaking.

223
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:47,970
I see.

224
00:11:47,971 --> 00:11:49,659
Well, you should have said something.

225
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:52,759
Well, I'll have to know more about it,
of course. We don't go in for snap

226
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:53,959
judgments at the General.

227
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,840
Good diagnosis comes from skilled
observation.

228
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,430
Your trousers aren't too tight, are
they?

229
00:12:00,540 --> 00:12:05,659
No, I don't think so. This pain, can you
describe it? I've told you. It creeps

230
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:08,739
up my leg, shoots across the ear and
then down there. That's no good to me.

231
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,910
Sounds more like a ferret up your
trousers.

232
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,210
I can't diagnose unless you give me a
proper description.

233
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:18,220
I see I'm going to have to sift the
evidence. Now, a stabbing pain in the

234
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,240
you say, of varying intensity.

235
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,640
Yes. Does it come after you've taken
exercise?

236
00:12:23,641 --> 00:12:25,599
Yes, that's right. Have you had it
before?

237
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,040
Yes. You've got it again, mate.

238
00:12:28,090 --> 00:12:29,140
But what is it?

239
00:12:29,141 --> 00:12:32,109
Well, it's your veins. I don't know how
you get about on that leg.

240
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:35,389
You know what's happening, don't you?
Your blood's not getting through.

241
00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:39,369
Yes, it's all clucking. It's all at the
bottom. What you've got there is a boot

242
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:40,420
full of blood.

243
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:45,269
What do you think I should do? Well, get
your weight off it for a start. And

244
00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:48,189
when you're feeling better, get down to
the hospital and tell them you've got

245
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,309
hardening of the arteries.

246
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,509
Hardening of the arteries?

247
00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:51,560
Oh, my God.

248
00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:54,590
Anyone else with any problems?

249
00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:55,960
Well, uh...

250
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:59,980
I've got this little problem, but I
don't like to talk about it.

251
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:01,950
Oh, yes?

252
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,520
Come on, you can tell me.

253
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,010
I won't be shocked.

254
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:07,230
I don't like to.

255
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:08,650
Oh, come on.

256
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,330
Whisper.

257
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,870
Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of,
mate.

258
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,960
There's no social stigma in that.

259
00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:24,810
Some of the crowned heads of Europe have
had that.

260
00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:26,870
All it is is varicose veins.

261
00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:28,850
Only they're not in your leg.

262
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:33,529
Don't worry, don't worry, I won't say
anything.

263
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:35,830
This is in the strictest confidence.

264
00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:39,249
What do you think I should do? Get
yourself down to the hospital.

265
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,960
And take a cushion, the seats are a bit
hard down there.

266
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,240
Anybody else?

267
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:48,009
Well, I've got this sore throat, I don't
suppose it's important.

268
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:50,780
Oh, yes, well, let's take a little look
then, shall we?

269
00:13:51,010 --> 00:13:53,170
Come on, wide.

270
00:13:54,090 --> 00:13:55,750
Oh, yes, that's very nasty.

271
00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:58,770
Looks like a clear case of vile disease
to me.

272
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,829
You haven't been bitten by a rat, have
you?

273
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:01,829
Certainly not.

274
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:05,020
In that case, it must be our old friend
that struck the cock -eye.

275
00:14:05,021 --> 00:14:07,509
You haven't been eating that pork pie,
have you?

276
00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:12,010
Yes. That's a mistake. Take my tip.
Never eat anything from under a dish,

277
00:14:12,011 --> 00:14:14,649
especially if it's got the traditional
green mold.

278
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:15,700
See?

279
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:21,209
Now, we don't want to start alarming all
the customers, do we, sir? No, of

280
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:22,260
course not.

281
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:27,599
Oh, you must get fed up with it. People
going on about their health all the

282
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,310
time. Coming up to you with every little
pain. Well, yes.

283
00:14:30,311 --> 00:14:33,059
Load of hypochondriacs in here, you
know.

284
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,110
Always complaining.

285
00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:36,560
Not like me. Never hear me complain.

286
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:41,280
Despite these dizzy spells I've been
getting the last few months.

287
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,850
Ringing in the ears.

288
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:48,219
Ends of me fingers go all numb. You
wouldn't know what it is, would you? You

289
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,219
haven't been eating that pork pie, have
you?

290
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:52,909
Well, yeah, I did have a slight... Have
you got a sore throat?

291
00:14:52,910 --> 00:14:55,789
Now you've come to mention it.
Gentlemen, we could be on the verge of a

292
00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:58,950
breakthrough. And this pork pie could be
Exhibit A.

293
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,200
This could be the first outbreak of
Legionnaire's disease.

294
00:15:02,411 --> 00:15:04,629
Legionnaire's disease?

295
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:06,189
I thought you could only get it in a
desert.

296
00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:08,930
No, it's a food poisoning of an unknown
origin.

297
00:15:08,931 --> 00:15:11,869
Excuse me, but there's a gentleman
taking ill in the lounge.

298
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,629
Did he eat the pork pie? Oh, I don't
know, but he looks terrible.

299
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:17,729
Oh, well, I think you'd better get a
doctor. Well, I told him there was one

300
00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:19,369
here, but it only seemed to make him
worse.

301
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:22,740
Yes, well, I'm afraid I've got to...
Well, I think he's coming through.

302
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,159
I know this man.

303
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,660
He's got Hashimoto's disease.

304
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,440
Good God, it's figures.

305
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,970
How are you feeling now, Archie? Oh,
much better, thank you, Norman.

306
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,300
I must say, it's great to be back.

307
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,950
It's rather chilly outside for this time
of the year.

308
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,640
What is all that noise?

309
00:15:55,641 --> 00:15:59,439
There's pandemonium in the general ward.
A crowd of people are coming with pork

310
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,490
pie poisoning.

311
00:16:00,491 --> 00:16:05,409
He looked tearing his hair out.
Apparently a local doctor sent them in.

312
00:16:05,410 --> 00:16:06,069
I know.

313
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:07,150
It was Figgis.

314
00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:09,090
What? Yes.

315
00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:12,369
Yes, he's down at the Green Parrot.
Everybody's buying him drinks. He must

316
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:15,849
his fifth fight by now and diagnosed him
like mad. They'll murder him if they

317
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:16,789
ever find out.

318
00:16:16,790 --> 00:16:18,590
Well, why didn't you say something?

319
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,720
I'm not complaining. He had me
readmitted.

320
00:16:22,870 --> 00:16:24,390
After you with the Lucas aid.

321
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:29,249
It's an emergency, Gupta. They're
dropping my flies out there. I know

322
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:30,300
empty bed in here.

323
00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:33,010
I'm afraid it has been reoccupied. What?

324
00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:35,480
Glover.

325
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:37,140
Oh, no.

326
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:43,389
I thought I gave strict instructions. He
was not to be readmitted unless he'd

327
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:44,440
lost a leg.

328
00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:47,769
Even then, I'd want to make sure it
wasn't tucked underneath it. What's he

329
00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:50,130
there? He was examined by a doctor in
St. Ogier.

330
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,820
Apparently, he collapsed in the green
barrack.

331
00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:53,880
Another one?

332
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:55,930
What's going on down there?

333
00:16:55,931 --> 00:17:00,209
We've already had four in with
Legionnaire's disease, a cardiac arrest

334
00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:01,260
case of piles.

335
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:04,630
What's the man doing?

336
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,750
He must be running his surgery from down
there.

337
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:11,109
Why can't he refer them to their GPs?

338
00:17:12,849 --> 00:17:14,390
I suppose he is a doctor.

339
00:17:14,391 --> 00:17:15,729
What do you mean?

340
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,440
Remember last year, the case of the
phantom surgeon?

341
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:20,919
Broke in, removed three warts and a
birthmark.

342
00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:24,270
We never did get to the bottom of that.

343
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,380
Why does everyone want to be a doctor?

344
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,170
Doctor, when are you going to start my
treatment?

345
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,330
What treatment?

346
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,350
We don't even know what's the matter
with you, Glover.

347
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,080
Haven't they told you?

348
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,300
We think it's Hashimoto's disease.

349
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:44,820
Hashimoto's disease?

350
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:01,530
Stint out a bit now? I'm not surprised.
Most of them are in casualty.

351
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,390
Oh, I don't worry. They'll be all right.
You have to act quickly in these cases.

352
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:09,399
We shall know more once we've had that
pork pie analysed. It's a good thing you

353
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,039
came in. I don't know what we'd have
done without you. You were so calm and

354
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,700
reassuring. Do you think so?

355
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:17,359
Well, we're used to these sights down at
the General.

356
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,600
People foaming at the mouth, eyes
rolling.

357
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,280
That's just the staff.

358
00:18:21,281 --> 00:18:25,399
It's a shame, though. Just when you're
trying to relax and have a quiet drink,

359
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,719
all these people bothering you with
their ailments.

360
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,179
I must say, you seem a very
understanding person.

361
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:32,979
It's nice to meet somebody who's healthy
for a change. I was beginning to think

362
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,180
the whole world was sick.

363
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,480
There's nothing much wrong with me.

364
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,650
I can see that.

365
00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:41,400
Except for the flashing light.

366
00:18:42,340 --> 00:18:43,390
What?

367
00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:49,019
I get these flashing lights in front of
my eyes. And then pins and needles in my

368
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,700
fingers. And then the heavy breathing.

369
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:53,720
You've no idea what it is.

370
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,150
Well, when does it happen? Well, usually
when I'm excited.

371
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,020
Do you often get excited?

372
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:02,880
Oh, yes, yes, I live on my nerves. I'm a
very emotional person.

373
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,960
Have you seen anyone about it?

374
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:07,510
No, no, I haven't been under a doctor
for ages.

375
00:19:11,611 --> 00:19:13,519
Why's that?

376
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:18,879
Well, I had no confidence in the last
one. I went to him with my chest, but he

377
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,500
seemed in a worse state than I was.

378
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:25,319
trembling, he had trouble with his
breathing, he kept leaning out of the

379
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,460
and taking gulps of air.

380
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,619
Well, it doesn't give you much
confidence, does it? Oh, no, it sounds

381
00:19:30,620 --> 00:19:33,679
he was suffering from that complaint
which besets the medical profession.

382
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,839
Oh, what's that? Acute frustration. It
occurs when you find it difficult to

383
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,459
separate the patient from the woman. It
can be very serious.

384
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:42,279
And what happens when you can't separate
the patient from the woman? You end up

385
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,840
in front of the medical council.

386
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,560
Oh, I'm sure you're not like that.

387
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,480
I feel I could trust you with my
problem.

388
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,030
You have...

389
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,020
strong, reliable hands.

390
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:58,550
Yes, well, look, I'd like to help you,
but I'm afraid my stethoscope's clogged.

391
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,340
Oh, what's the matter?

392
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,470
Well, it's happening. I knew it would.
I'm going all faint.

393
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,800
Must be all the excitement.

394
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,860
I'm having one of my tongues.

395
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,130
Oh, my God.

396
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:13,899
All I wanted was a quiet drink. Can
somebody hold her? I've got an urgent

397
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,099
appointment. Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey,
hang on a minute. You can't just leave

398
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,519
her like that. Ain't you going to
examine her? Oh, not soon enough.

399
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,020
Are you refusing to treat her?

400
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:23,959
There's nothing I'd like more, only I
haven't had her consent.

401
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,039
If her husband was here, that would be
different. I'm afraid it's against the

402
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,599
Hippocratic oath. Well, that's all
right, cos I am her husband and I'm

403
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,650
you to examine her.

404
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,770
Well, if you put it like that. Well,
stand back, let the dog see the rabbit.

405
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,650
Yes, well, her breathing seems regular
enough.

406
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,950
I always thought the heart was on the
left side.

407
00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:49,650
Usually... Yes, I'm just checking for
any irregularities.

408
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,320
You check the airway?

409
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,720
Oh, do you mind?

410
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,859
Blimey, all of a sudden, everyone's an
expert. If you think you can do any

411
00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:57,910
better, oh, Gordon.

412
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,540
Well, it is this time, Doctor.

413
00:21:01,541 --> 00:21:05,819
Hashimoto's disease, the black death,
botulism. Excuse me, I don't feel well.

414
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:06,960
think it's the pork pie.

415
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,160
Hang on, what about us? It's all right,
sir. I am a doctor.

416
00:21:12,891 --> 00:21:17,059
Rightly so, and there's video in some
privacy.

417
00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:19,050
Yeah, we'll be a doctor, yeah. Thank
you.

418
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:29,520
Excuse me.

419
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,280
Yeah? I'm from the general.

420
00:21:31,281 --> 00:21:33,819
Oh, God, not another one. Are you a
doctor at all?

421
00:21:33,820 --> 00:21:34,870
No, I'm a nurse.

422
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:39,630
Oh, yes.

423
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:42,010
Is there a man over here who says he's a
doctor?

424
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,820
He's in there examining my wife.

425
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,150
Oh, goodness me, I have bad news for
you.

426
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:50,380
That man is not a doctor.

427
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,810
He's not a what?

428
00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:54,150
Please be calm.

429
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:56,160
He's a patient. He's not very well.

430
00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:59,630
He's going to be a damn sight worse than
I'm pretty pretty.

431
00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:02,320
You'd better come in. He might need you.

432
00:22:13,481 --> 00:22:20,529
Where's me pyjamas? Where have you been?
I had to wait for the last bus, didn't

433
00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:24,649
I? Did you have a good time? A good
time? Do me a favour. All I wanted was a

434
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:28,080
quiet drink. They wouldn't leave me
alone, rabbiting on about their

435
00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:30,069
What's that bed doing in here?

436
00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:32,489
Oh, he came in half an hour ago.
Apparently there wasn't room in the

437
00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:33,870
ward. What's wrong with him?

438
00:22:34,090 --> 00:22:36,390
Concussion. He was hit with a heavy
metal tray.

439
00:22:36,391 --> 00:22:39,669
Well, I wonder if the brain cells any
good.

440
00:22:39,670 --> 00:22:40,850
Where's my pyjamas?

441
00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:43,450
Good evening, Doctor.

442
00:22:45,351 --> 00:22:48,029
Your admission is over here.

443
00:22:48,030 --> 00:22:51,150
Do you care to examine him? Oh, yes.

444
00:22:51,810 --> 00:22:52,860
Yes, of course.

445
00:22:56,450 --> 00:22:57,710
Blimey! No,

446
00:23:00,970 --> 00:23:02,870
it's just a mild concussion.

447
00:23:02,871 --> 00:23:06,589
Aren't you going to look at the eyes,
see if the pupils are dilated?

448
00:23:06,590 --> 00:23:07,990
Oh, the eyes, yes.

449
00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:09,420
Of course.

450
00:23:12,590 --> 00:23:15,310
Oh, yes, yes, they're very dilated, yes.

451
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:17,390
He needs a good night's sleep.

452
00:23:25,650 --> 00:23:30,069
There's probably some amnesia. His mind
may be a blank regarding the events

453
00:23:30,070 --> 00:23:31,390
preceding the concussion.

454
00:23:32,130 --> 00:23:33,180
I hope.

455
00:23:36,470 --> 00:23:38,490
He probably won't remember a thing.

456
00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:40,390
That's what you think, figures!

457
00:23:48,140 --> 00:23:49,190
H -A -P -P -Y.

458
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,780
I know I am. I'm sure I am. I'm H -A -P
-P -Y.

459
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,080
Yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

460
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,400
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

461
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:05,380
I know I am. I'm sure I am. I'm H -A -P
-P -Y. Oh, yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

462
00:24:05,430 --> 00:24:09,980
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